I'm sorry my penis didn't work
only if we run a train.
done.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
