Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
