even my farts smell like vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
