We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
