Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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