I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
