You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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