We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
