i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
