I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
