I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
