well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
