soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
