2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i will never coherently bang her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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