A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
