I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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