She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
