Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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