I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
