dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
