i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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