i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
