can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
