Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
