Moan for me like Helen Keller
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
