i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dear god my vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
