Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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