sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
