To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
