I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
