it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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