That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
