So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
