No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
