the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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