I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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