Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
