I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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