I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
