yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
