you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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