Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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