I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
