You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
