Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
