You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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