I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
