everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
