4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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