I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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