Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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