So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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