is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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