you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
