My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
