...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
