I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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