Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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